Deanna Zandt » humor

Social media reactions to bin Laden’s death

deanna zandt — Mon, 02 May 2011 14:02:35 +0000

I’ve got a full work plate this morning, and my own set of feelings to process about the news of Osama bin Laden’s death (more on that will likely appear on my Tumblr later tonight), but wanted to get down a couple noteworthy bullets. If I have time, I’ll return and flesh these out into a coherent piece.

We all know that social media get the word out at lightning speed–but what struck me most about this news was not the speed of information, but the immediacy of community development. People are using Twitter and Facebook to work out what are, for many, complicated emotions. Relief, joy, anger, sadness are all appearing at once. This is in stark contrast to what we often see in traditional media soundbites (particularly video media), where broad strokes are painted when it comes to emotional content–i.e., those people are cheering, those people over there are not. Social media is creating a space where it’s acceptable, and useful, to express multiple feelings. This is also very different than, for example, the days following 9/11–when the war on Afghanistan was announced, it was largely extremely taboo in American public squares (online or off) to express concern, or disagreement. Part of that was the political climate, but part of that was that there weren’t necessary effective public spaces for people to be nuanced human beings.
I’m also struck by the speed with humor was employed as a tactic to process the news. Again, in contrast to 9/11, when we waited two weeks for the new issue of The Onion to come out–no one made any jokes before then. Not only was it taboo, but there just wasn’t a way to deal. (By the way, that issue of The Onion might be the best one ever–headlines like, “God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule, “Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves in Hell,” and many more gems.) Last night, some of the immediate jokes, some in good taste, some not, clearly paved a way for people to express all kinds of reactions to this global news phenomenon. My personal favorites were @marcfaletti‘s “It was that f***ing iPad location history, wasn’t it?” and the newly created @OsamaInHell account tweeting, “Wait, what?”

More as time allows today…

Dear Blackberry: it’s not you, it’s me. (And Android.)

deanna zandt — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 22:18:44 +0000

We’ve been together a long time. I still remember so clearly holding my shiny red Pearl in my hands for the first time. It glistened with promise, way back then. It was the summer of 2007.

I was a late adopter (to my fellow geeks, anyway) for a smartphone. For the longest time, I kept my Type-A-like behavior in the digital world in check by not having a device that I could get email on, or surf around on. Finally I caved, and I was thrilled with my little guy. It did everything I needed. A little over a year later, I decided it was time to move on to something bigger, and I bought a Blackberry Bold the day they came out in late 2008.

Blackberry, you did everything I ever wanted you to do well. Primarily, I was utilitarian back then. I wanted email delivered immediately, and to quickly answer it without any fuss. I wanted to be able to look up a few things here and there while I was out in the world. You did that for me. You always came through.

Then things started to change… in me. I started wanting more. I wanted a more robust social networking experience, for example. When those apps finally came to our world, they made you sluggish and hogged your tiny RAM. I’ll tell you straight out– never did I ever want a light saber app. No, I was not that kind of grrl. But dammit, I did want Google Sky Map.

My needs have grown. And you, you so sweetly and staunchly do what you’ve always done exceptionally well. Sure, with my Droid X, I’m settling a little now for a mobile email client that doesn’t do some of the things I need it to (really, Android, we’re getting copy and paste for Gmail this summer?). But there’s just so much more I’m getting–without succombing to one of those other fancy smartphones, and a version of one that just about everyone’s regretting.

Take care, Blackberry. You’ll always hold a special utilitarian place in my heart, and I’ll never say an unkind word about you. I hope one day you can forgive me, and that we’ll be able to be friends. You’re a trooper, I know you’ll pull through.

(AT&T, on the other hand, you can burn in hell.)

Bill Murray on a Plane

deanna zandt — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 16:48:41 +0000

In case you missed the hilarity of my flight back from Austin, here are my tweets…

7:00pm (CT): Boarded, hopefully leaving soon… (@ JetBlue Flight #1068)
7:15pm: Bill Murray is on my flight. o_O
12:06am (ET): Scary-ish landing. Dear lord, I did not want my last tweet on the planet to be about Bill Murray. But I do have some goss, stay tuned
12:07am: A Flight w Bill Murray, a story told over multiple tweets. Austin –> NYC, JetBlue (this actually prolly isn’t that interesting)
12:08am: Discovery of Mr Murray: when he switched out of his emerg exit row seat back to 2 rows in front of me to sit next to a young woman.
12:09am: Unclear whether they knew each other well prior to the flight. There was much giggling from those 2 seats (I was jealous, yes, heh)
12:10am: Then, I kid yous not, halfway thru the flight thry get up and go to the bathroom. Murray does a little dance on his way. I’m like, nuh-uh!
12:11am: They’re there for about 10min and come back, not weirdly and nothing else happens. Only other thing was that at the end of the flight,
12:12am: Murray starts drumming on the seat in front of him. Loudly. The woman starts giggling again. Dude in front of me (right behind Murray)
12:13am: …gets pissed and says (loudly, in a thick Brooklyn accent), “Hey drum circle, you wanna knock it off?” Which shockingly does the trick.
12:14am: I <3 NY. The End.

Ignite NYC: What Would Kermit Do? [Video]

deanna zandt — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 14:47:05 +0000

Here’s my Ignite NYC VIII talk. If you don’t know what Ignite is: it’s a 5 minute talk, with exactly 20 PowerPoint slides, that move automatically every 15 seconds. Whee! You can also check out the slides and notes, and read all about how I prepared for the talk.

Sucker for pun-oriented memes: the best of #unseenprequels

deanna zandt — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:53:04 +0000

I admit it: I’m a complete pushover for slapstick humor. And today’s meme on Twitter, #unseenprequels*, has me in stitches. The idea: take a movie and slightly alter the title to come up with its prequel, which no one would have ever, ever paid to see. Hilarity ensues.

My favorites, in no particular order:

@Bryce1984 The Lambs That Wouldn’t Shut Up #unseenprequels
@jchinchar #unseenprequels Some Like It Tepid
@matthasarms: Apocalypse Soon. #unseenprequels
@steviedunn: The Day the Earth Continued Spinning #unseenprequels
@PCTim: #unseenprequels The OK, The not so OK, and the unattractive
@blogdiva: #unseenprequels Second-Base and The City
@Alcudiabarfly: #unseenprequels dry-spell in the city
@stealyourself: Madamoiselle Bovary #UnseenPrequels
@lizzwinstead: The 5k run/walk Man #unseenprequels
@jnjoiner: Thursday #unseenprequels
@LParry: Shaun of the feeling peaky. #unseenprequels
@KagroX: Still Plenty of Mohicans #unseenprequels
@drywall: A Bunch of Mohicans #unseenprequels
@RedGray: #unseenprequels Raiders of the Misplaced Ark
@islandis: Sex, Lies, and Kinescope. #unseenprequels
@macphoenix: Undocumented-Immigrant Kane #unseenprequels
@mcsweater: American History IX #unseenprequels
@AdamSerwer: The Dark Squire #unseenprequels
@lizzwinstead: Conception of a Nation #unseenprequels
@lizzwinstead: Still Going Back and Forth On Some Major Points of Endearments #unseenprequels
(my own, heh): #unseenprequels Before Harry Met Sally
UPDATE: via many others, this one clearly wins: @KagroX: Groundhog Day #unseenprequels

UPDATE: More fun titles are posted over at Ben Byrne’s blog!

* Wondering what the deal with the # is? That’s the marker for a “hashtag” on Twitter. It’s how Twitter users easily add or denote a keyword, allowing everyone else to either find or refer to a topic easily. Search for all #unseenprequel tweets!

Picking a cover for “Share This!” and the hilarity of how friends know me

deanna zandt — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:23:26 +0000

I’m running a poll to help me and my publisher choose a cover for Share This! — go take it! Here are your choices…

BK wanted me to add a “how do you know the author” question to the survey, so of course, my friends decided to have a wee bit of fun. Here’s a roundup of my favorite response so far (with necessary comments from me in italics):

She’s a pal.
From the bar
The series of tubes
In college, we were making beds for the football team NY Giants. ask her. (true!)
We share an ex-boyfriend, ha ha.
It’s complicated, but I’ve been a fan for years! (See: “We share an ex-boyfriend.” No kidding, there’s more than one)
We went to psychic healer school together.
She designed my site, and saved my life. (check is in the mail, Alice)
I am her indentured servant (You are? Where’s my dinner, muppet?)
Schmoozing
I mistook her for Jill from Jack & Jill Politics (true story, Cheryl.)
We met in in jail. Or was it the Army?
Her very favorite Uncle out of all her uncles living in NC (there’s just one)
Hair bleach and naughty conversations
Osmosis (not far from the truth, on the Bowery)

UPDATE: More funny friends have chimed in…

From a movie set, it’s a long story (god help us, this one)
secret president of her fan club (that check is going in the mail now)
Sister; knew her before she got a sense of humor :) (thanks, bro!)
friend/dog scratcher/chef (need you FT, see “indentured servant” above)
great serendipity (the meaning of life, after “42″ of course)

Break for giggles: My mom is hilarious

deanna zandt — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 13:54:13 +0000

My mom (cartoon’ed at left) sent the following email to her department yesterday.

–

As you may well know by now………..

I have been promoted to “Supplies Orderer”. Although this promotion has added no monetary addition to my income, I take great pride in this endeavor and am looking forward to serving you all to the very best of my ability. I have listed a few suggestions below. Your cooperation is absolutely imperative to “make me look good” in this new position. After all, it *is* all about me, isn’t it. (I’m a Leo….)

When you see the forms in the drawer(s) are less than ten, pls enter the form number and description along with your name to the order form taped so neatly to the outside of the file cabinet. Pencils are available nearby in a make-shift (but ever so classy) plastic pencil holder. If you prefer to use ink, you certainly may do so. However, you will be required to provide your own pen. A favorite color preference for me is green. It won’t get the order filled any faster, but it will add color to the sheet and therefore, also add color to my new life as “Supplies Orderer.” The lower portion of the form is for pens, pencils, sticky notes and all that other misc stuff. Items such as hair spray, aftershave and alcohol are not included.

Orders will be submitted to G.S. every Friday and hopefully filled by Monday or at the latest Tuesday. HOWEVER, if you need something that is not readily available to you PLEASE CONTACT ME via email and I will make certain you have it asap.

Feel free to make any suggestions to improve service, but pls keep them simple as I am easily confused.

Yours very truly.
Rachael, Supplies Orderer

Dear World

deanna zandt — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:25:21 +0000

UPDATE: Rachel asked me to record it in my operator/announcer voice:

(download the MP3 for your own use or remixing pleasure: dear-world.mp3)

Via Beka:

Dear World:

The United States of America, your quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for its 2001-2008 service outage.

The technical fault that led to this eight-year service interruption has been located. Replacement components were ordered Tuesday, November 4th, 2008, and have begun arriving. Early tests of the new equipment indicate that it is functioning correctly and we expect it to be fully operational by the end of January.

We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage and we look forward to resuming full service — and hopefully even improving it in the years to come. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Very Truly Yours,

/The USA/

Gullible by association: New York Times’ Special Edition

deanna zandt — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:29:45 +0000

A while back some folks I occasionally associate with had an idea to distribute the news we would actually want to read. I was full up on extra-curricular activities, so I didn’t get involved, other than to say I’d help get the word out when it happened.

Then on Saturday evening, I was headed into the city to see Hamell on Trial (excellent show, highly recommended), and I ran into one of the conspirators on the train. “Check out today’s Times,” he said gleefully. “Can you believe this?” I couldn’t. All this good news. Seriously? I took it all in, hook line and sinker. War over? Friedman resigns? Maximum wage? Huh? There was a spring in my step for sure.

Later that night, I was, shall we say, a wee tipsy, trying to explain what I’d read to my friends. “No, seriously, I read it in the friggin’ Times, you guys, Harvard is closing its business school! I swear to God!”

Slowly, pieces started floating together in my addled brain. This was the project I’d vaguely heard about, come to fruition. Brilliant. I was on the distribution crew this morning, and I can’t say I’ve had a better time early in the morning at Rockefeller Center. The looks on folks’ faces were just priceless.

From the Dept of Irresistible, Silly Things

deanna zandt — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:11:02 +0000

Posed Peeps make me laugh

deanna zandt — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 22:02:26 +0000

OH NO!

Originally uploaded by J-Easy

Since Easter’s coming, don’t forget to check out Peeps Research.

Update: But wait! There’s more — “Ultimate Peep Show”:

My sense of humor

deanna zandt — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 12:36:26 +0000

Originally uploaded by randomdeanna.

Next time I try to explain to someone that I have a complicated, yet randomly silly sense of humor, I will show them this. And tell them I think it’s hilarious.

Researching “web 2.0″

deanna zandt — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 19:42:56 +0000

I’m in the middle of preparing a 15-minute presentation that I’m giving at the end of the month on the evolution of the Interweb, and I’ve just learned some startling news. Web 2.0 sites are the leading cause of clogged pores and pimples on over 75% of the Internet’s skin:

John S. Hall at the Bowery Poetry Club

deanna zandt — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 17:24:02 +0000

Remember the funniest press release of all time? The final performance was Thursday night, and I’ve got a bunch of pictures and videos from it… watch as John and Dogbowl discuss Nancy Pelosi, perform some hits, talk about the other musician John Hall (who just got elected to Congress), as well as read from his forthcoming book, “Daily Negations.”

John S. Hall — Sensitive Artist & Nancy Pelosi:

John S. Hall — Jesus Was Way Cool:

John S. Hall — About the guy from Orleans + Daily Negations:

Voice-prompted Bureaucracy

deanna zandt — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 14:18:19 +0000

My brother responded to my post about Bureaucracy…

Oh, I hate those things [voice-prompted call systems]. You know, it really *is* kind of like playing those old text adventures like Bureaucracy, except the points that are measured are actually your blood pressure going up.

And he sent the following dramatic reenactment:

————————————————> VERBOSE

Maximum verbosity.
> LOOK

You are in your computer room.  Things are in slight disarray; some of last week’s laundry is laying on the boxes behind you, empty beer cans lie strewn about, and the ashtray on your desk hasn’t been emptied in days.  On your desk is a computer monitor, your cell phone, a piece of paper, and various computer parts.  Next to your desk are your two computers and a printer stand, which holds your modem and router.  You are sitting in your chair.  There is an exit east.
> USE COMPUTER

Which computer do you mean, the Gell Pessimitude fileserver, or the new state-of-the-art Boysenberry XR-71 Mach Snail?
> BOYSENBERRY

As you open up the Mothra browser (no doubt named for all the inherent bugs in it), an error page comes up telling you it can’t find a connection.
Your blood pressure has increased 2 points.
> EXAMINE ROUTER

This is a Lynkpiss router.  It’s a bit older, but you like it because it’s OS is easily replaced by better third-party software.  Four cables are plugged in to it: one to each computer, one to the modem, and a power cable.  It seems to be functioning properly.
> EXAMINE MODEM

There’s no indication of the manufacturer of this modem, but it’s narrow, black, and has a bunch of triangular lights on it.  The only markings on the modem are stickers on the bottom showing FCC numbers and a MAC ID.  It has three cables running to it: one to the router, one going in to the wall, and a power cable. A triangular blinking “RECV” light tells you it’s not getting a signal.
> GET CELL PHONE AND CALL TECH SUPPORT

Taken.
A cheery voice greets you, “Thank you for calling Barter Communications. To continue in English, please press one.  Para ayuda en Espanol, oprima el numero dos.”
> READ PAPER

(Taken)

Barter Voicemenu Cheat Sheet

Tech Support – 1322148621181

Billing – 124639326115272893142(acct#)31223

Sales – 11
(Next to the Sales entry is a hastily scrawled note in your handwriting that reads, “Bastards!”)
> DIAL 1322148621181

The cheery voice says, “One moment please!” and some cabana music starts playing.  “Good thing I read the cheat sheet,” you think, but then ponder all the previous calls and wasted life it took to create it.
Your blood pressure has decreased by 1 point.
> Z

Time passes…
The music is interrupted, and another not-so-cheery (kind of whiny, actually) voice says, “We’re sorry, all of our technical support representatives are currently assisting other customers.  Please wait and your call will be answered in the order it was received.”  It sort of sounds like a third grader with an adult voice reading lines from Shakespeare.
Your blood pressure has increased by 1 point.
> Z

Time passes…
A new cheery yet sultry voice comes on the phone and tells you, “Hello!  I’m the Barter computer system!  While you’re waiting to speak to one of our representatives, I’d like to ask you some preliminary questions.  I’ll pass this information along to our representatives so they can help you further if necessary.  If you’d like to continue, please say, ‘Ok!’”
> DIAL 0

The cheery sultry voice almost laughingly says, “I *know* you really want to speak to a person right now, but I’d like to ask you some questions first.  If you’d like me to help you, please say, ‘Ok!’”
Your blood pressure has increased by 1 point.
> SAY “NO THANKS”

“Great!  Is your computer on right now?”
Your blood pressure has increased by 1 point.
> SAY “YES”

“Good.  Is your modem on, too?”
Your blood pressure has increased by 1 point.
> SAY “YES”

“Excellent!  Now, can you tell me what kind of modem you have?  You can tell by looking underneath the modem for a manufacturer sticker.  Our most common models are 3-Bomb and Engineola!  If you don’t know your modem’s manufacturer, please say, “I don’t know!’”.
> EXAMINE MODEM

There’s no indication of the manufacturer of this modem, but it’s narrow, black, and has a bunch of triangular lights on it.  The only markings on the modem are stickers on the bottom showing FCC numbers and a MAC ID.  It has three cables running to it: one to the router, one going in to the wall, and a power cable. A triangular blinking “RECV” light tells you it’s not getting a signal.
The cheery sultry voice asks, “Are you still there?”
> SAY “YES”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that modem type.  Could you say it again?”
Your phone sounds a quick double-beep at you.
Your blood pressure has increased 2 points.
> EXAMINE PHONE

Your phone is a CS-9120, last year’s state-of-the-art phone from Happitec.  It has a host of features you rarely use, including a built-in camera.  The battery indicator is flashing.
The cheery sultry voice asks, “Are you still there?”
Your blood pressure has increased 5 points.
> SAY “LET ME SPEAK TO A HUMAN NOW”

“Hmm.  Let’s move on.  Is your cable TV working properly?  To tell for sure, please tune to channel 9.”
Your phone sounds a quick double-beep at you.
Your blood pressure has increased 5 points.
> SAY “I NEED TO SPEAK TO A HUMAN #$%ING BEING RIGHT NOW, YOU PIECE OF #!@$ COMPUTER, BEFORE I REACH THROUGH THIS PHONE AND TEAR YOUR %^&$ING TRANSISTORS OUT, PUT SOME SOY SAUCE ON THEM, EAT THEM FOR LUNCH, AND FLUSH THEM DOWN THE GOD&*^$ TOILET IN AN HOUR!  IS THAT COMING THROUGH LOUD AND *&^)ING CLEAR?”

Having far exceeded the three curseword limit the system was designed for, the voice ever-so-happily tells you, “Hold on while I transfer your call!”
Your phone sounds a quick double-beep at you.
Your blood pressure has increased 10 points.
> Z

Time passes…
A new voice comes on the phone.  “Thank you for calling Barter Communications, this is Brad, how can I be of serv–” and your cellphone dies.
Your blood pressure has increased 20 points.
You feel a slight pressure in your head, shortly before passing out.  Apparently the blood vessels in your brain can only take so much, and a few popped on you causing a massive aneurism.
**** YOU HAVE DIED ****
Please type RESTORE or QUIT:
————————————————

Last thoughts from my dear brother?

So, that’s how I see it.