We’ve been together a long time. I still remember so clearly holding my shiny red Pearl in my hands for the first time. It glistened with promise, way back then. It was the summer of 2007.
I was a late adopter (to my fellow geeks, anyway) for a smartphone. For the longest time, I kept my Type-A-like behavior in the digital world in check by not having a device that I could get email on, or surf around on. Finally I caved, and I was thrilled with my little guy. It did everything I needed. A little over a year later, I decided it was time to move on to something bigger, and I bought a Blackberry Bold the day they came out in late 2008.
I admit it: I’m a complete pushover for slapstick humor. And today’s meme on Twitter, #unseenprequels*, has me in stitches. The idea: take a movie and slightly alter the title to come up with its prequel, which no one would have ever, ever paid to see. Hilarity ensues.
My favorites, in no particular order:
@Bryce1984 The Lambs That Wouldn’t Shut Up #unseenprequels
* Wondering what the deal with the # is? That’s the marker for a “hashtag” on Twitter. It’s how Twitter users easily add or denote a keyword, allowing everyone else to either find or refer to a topic easily. Search for all #unseenprequel tweets!
BK wanted me to add a “how do you know the author” question to the survey, so of course, my friends decided to have a wee bit of fun. Here’s a roundup of my favorite response so far (with necessary comments from me in italics):
She’s a pal.
From the bar
The series of tubes
In college, we were making beds for the football team NY Giants. ask her. (true!)
We share an ex-boyfriend, ha ha.
It’s complicated, but I’ve been a fan for years! (See: “We share an ex-boyfriend.” No kidding, there’s more than one)
We went to psychic healer school together.
She designed my site, and saved my life. (check is in the mail, Alice)
I am her indentured servant (You are? Where’s my dinner, muppet?)
Schmoozing
I mistook her for Jill from Jack & Jill Politics (true story, Cheryl.)
We met in in jail. Or was it the Army?
Her very favorite Uncle out of all her uncles living in NC (there’s just one)
Hair bleach and naughty conversations
Osmosis (not far from the truth, on the Bowery)
UPDATE: More funny friends have chimed in…
From a movie set, it’s a long story (god help us, this one)
secret president of her fan club (that check is going in the mail now)
Sister; knew her before she got a sense of humor :) (thanks, bro!)
friend/dog scratcher/chef (need you FT, see “indentured servant” above)
great serendipity (the meaning of life, after “42″ of course)
My mom (cartoon’ed at left) sent the following email to her department yesterday.
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As you may well know by now………..
I have been promoted to “Supplies Orderer”. Although this promotion has added no monetary addition to my income, I take great pride in this endeavor and am looking forward to serving you all to the very best of my ability. I have listed a few suggestions below. Your cooperation is absolutely imperative to “make me look good” in this new position. After all, it *is* all about me, isn’t it. (I’m a Leo….)
When you see the forms in the drawer(s) are less than ten, pls enter the form number and description along with your name to the order form taped so neatly to the outside of the file cabinet. Pencils are available nearby in a make-shift (but ever so classy) plastic pencil holder. If you prefer to use ink, you certainly may do so. However, you will be required to provide your own pen. A favorite color preference for me is green. It won’t get the order filled any faster, but it will add color to the sheet and therefore, also add color to my new life as “Supplies Orderer.” The lower portion of the form is for pens, pencils, sticky notes and all that other misc stuff. Items such as hair spray, aftershave and alcohol are not included.
Orders will be submitted to G.S. every Friday and hopefully filled by Monday or at the latest Tuesday. HOWEVER, if you need something that is not readily available to you PLEASE CONTACT ME via email and I will make certain you have it asap.
Feel free to make any suggestions to improve service, but pls keep them simple as I am easily confused.
UPDATE: Rachel asked me to record it in my operator/announcer voice:
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(download the MP3 for your own use or remixing pleasure:
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The United States of America, your quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for its 2001-2008 service outage.
The technical fault that led to this eight-year service interruption has been located. Replacement components were ordered Tuesday, November 4th, 2008, and have begun arriving. Early tests of the new equipment indicate that it is functioning correctly and we expect it to be fully operational by the end of January.
We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage and we look forward to resuming full service — and hopefully even improving it in the years to come. Thank you for your patience and understanding.
A while back some folks I occasionally associate with had an idea to distribute the news we would actually want to read. I was full up on extra-curricular activities, so I didn’t get involved, other than to say I’d help get the word out when it happened.
Then on Saturday evening, I was headed into the city to see Hamell on Trial (excellent show, highly recommended), and I ran into one of the conspirators on the train. “Check out today’s Times,” he said gleefully. “Can you believe this?” I couldn’t. All this good news. Seriously? I took it all in, hook line and sinker. War over? Friedman resigns? Maximum wage? Huh? There was a spring in my step for sure.
Later that night, I was, shall we say, a wee tipsy, trying to explain what I’d read to my friends. “No, seriously, I read it in the friggin’ Times, you guys, Harvard is closing its business school! I swear to God!”
Slowly, pieces started floating together in my addled brain. This was the project I’d vaguely heard about, come to fruition. Brilliant. I was on the distribution crew this morning, and I can’t say I’ve had a better time early in the morning at Rockefeller Center. The looks on folks’ faces were just priceless.
We’ve been together a long time. I still remember so clearly holding my shiny red Pearl in my hands for the first time. It glistened with promise, way back then. It was the summer of 2007.
My mom (cartoon’ed at left) sent the following email to her department yesterday.
