Just wanted to add in reply to one of the comments — one program that turns macho logic on its head and helps men prevent rape and violence against women is Mentors in Violence Prevention: http://www.jacksonkatz.com/mvp.html

And LOVE the anti-rape list!!!

However, I disagree that asking women to be more like men is unlike asking men to be more like women — you could argue that both requests (at least as interpreted by the requestor) are looking, as you say, for a little humanity (humanity defined as the quality of being human, not the quality of being humane).

Also, some could call asking men to be sensitive a similar kind of behavior prescriptive.

Perhaps asking men to find their sensitivity is just as reasonable as suggesting that women should ask for what they want. Both genders have something to add here, and as always, there’s a happy medium to be found on a smaller scale than Shirky’s “rant” suggests.

Women tend to take a collaborative approach in studies and in business (to totally overgeneralize here). Men in charge need to recognize this as a separate but equally valid approach to getting things done. And women in charge need to recognize that the way men do things to get ahead works also.

I’d also like to add while I understand the point that Shirky is trying to make, he still lacks the understand of how it is to actually be a woman in similar situations.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a local mechanic to pick up a work vehicle. One of my male coworkers accompanied me to drive one of the vehicles back to the shop. I approached the serviceman at the counter with the check and the keys to vehicle in hand. I asked what work was completed. The gentleman behind the counter proceed to tell us what was wrong with the vehicle while looking directly at my male coworker though I was standing right in front of him. I was very annoyed yet did not say anything, which annoys me even more. Why didn’t I speak up??? Back at the office, I asked my coworker if he noticed how the man never looked at me once. He said he didn’t, of course, but added that HE felt extremely uncomfortable walking in there behind me like he was LESS of a man.

My point here being, while in theory acting like our male counterparts (sweeping generalizations aside) will help us women-folk get jobs, make more money, etc…in actuality it just makes the men hiring us feel threatened and uncomfortable. Deep down beneath all their new found sensitivity I feel there are few men that are or will be comfortable with being beat by a woman at their own game.

But Shirky makes specific recommendations to women, which seem essentially sensible to me. They boil down to, “if you want something, ask for it.”

As you point out, this is a very incomplete treatment of the issue. So, given the male role in all of this, what would be the corresponding recommendations to men?

– Jonathan

Anyway. What I was trying to say is that I’m kind of appalled that he’s only just noticed this now (Shit. I’ve known this since high school and it never helped me change my behavior. I still wait for other people to notice my awesome and rely on the likes of, oh, you, to aggrandize my self.) and that it isn’t some part of the foundation of the ITP curriculum. Why the eff are people paying tuition if some lessons on how to win friends and influence people don’t come with your degree? Which I know goes in the “women should change” bucket, but still. He just figured this out? Now?